Skip the hassle, eat more sushi

I try to lead a pretty healthy lifestyle: to eat well, exercise, all the good stuff. But one area where I typically fall short is in seeing the doctor. I try to avoid it as much as possible, entirely because of all the hoops you have to jump through in order to spend 5 minutes with her: parking, waiting rooms, sitting on hold to make the appointment in the first place … I mean, what a drag.

So you can bet my on-demand, delivery-loving self was 100% on board with trying out Everlywell, which basically eliminates all the rigamarole associated with getting labs done. No scheduling a doctor’s appointment to get a lab order. No finding a lab close to you. No traveling however far and finding and paying for parking and waiting in some drab waiting room for 30 seconds of action. No waiting to hear from your doctor about your results. No traffic or parking or waiting rooms or online scheduling or clipboards full of cramped forms to fill out. YESSS.

I tried out the DHA test for breastfeeding mothers, because Mac’s brain development is (shocker) really important to me. So is eating sushi, so I could only see getting good news from this test: I was either giving Mac enough DHA for optimal brain development, or I needed to eat more sushi. (Or both, I mean, why not?)

The test shows up so perfectly packaged, with super simple, clear instructions. I took this test in my pajamas, without having to load the whole kit & caboodle & toddler into the car.

The breastmilk test requires just a few drops of milk. I had packed away my pump over two months ago, and I wasn’t about to bring it back out—I’m retired—but luckily a simple manual expression did the trick. I waited till Mac got the pipes flowing, then expressed a few drops into the smallest glass I had, which happened to be a wineglass. #partytime

What I didn’t anticipate was just how upset Mac would get by those few drops getting rerouted from her belly. She let me know just how unhappy about it she was. But after I’d used the pipette to drop my milk onto the little sample card, I gave it to her to play with and there was once again peace in the kingdom.

She also got to play with the cute little bandaid container included. Since my test required no blood, those went straight into the diaper bag for future emergencies. (Thanks, Everlywell!).

From there, you just pack up in the included envelope, slap on the included shipping label, and drop it in the mailbox. It literally couldn’t be easier.

Five days later, my results were in my inbox. I loved getting to see easy-to-understand charts instead of a cursory phone call from the doctor’s office with a bare bones “everything was normal” summary of results.

Unfortunately, everything was not normal… my DHA levels are below recommended.  🙁

I guess that means more sushi… or, since I’m currently in Hawaii, more poke.

CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.

Besides guzzling more fish, I’m taking my results to my next doctor’s appointment so I can make an action plan and make sure I am fueling Mac’s brain every way I can.

Want to be the boss of your health, from home, in pajamas? Cool. You can try this DHA test for 15% off with the code ALYSE15.

Or, if you’re not breastfeeding, Everlywell has a whole other suite of at-home tests, including food sensitivity, metabolism, sleep, fertility, and so much more. You can save 10%  on any (or all!) of those with the code FitApp10.

At-home testing is the way to go, for real. Who doesn’t love delivery??

This post was sponsored by Everlywell via the Sweat Pink community. All opinions are my own, and I so appreciate your support of the brands who support me and Sweat Pink?

Let’s do bikini season a different way

If you’re alive and above the age of 5, you’re probably aware that it’s swimsuit season, with all the good (picnics, sunshine!) and also the bad (insecurity, fad diets!). If you’re alive and on the internet, you’ve probably also seen the #IMOMSOHARD video that skewers women’s swimsuit fashion as it deserves to be skewered.

Go ahead, watch it again.

I Swimsuit Season So Hard

When I'm at the beach, I'm there to lifeguard, build sandcastles, supply treats, re-stand the umbrella every dang time it blows over, spray sunscreen, drink a beer, look for seashells, warm-up wet kiddos, force people to eat sandwiches and drink juice, blow up water-wings, and keep my son from publicly urinating. Basically, I've got a really fun job to do and I don't have time to let a piece of lycra throw me off my game. #imomsohard #baywatch #swimsuit #cutouts #doubledecker #brave #moat #onelife #liveit #momlife #reallife #mombod #beach

Posted by imomsohard on Thursday, May 18, 2017

All laughing aside, this bikini season bullshit is a real problem, y’all. What if we focused our energies on what our bodies could do, instead of how they look in miniscule, oddly cut pieces of fabric? (Full disclosure: I love me a strangely cut swimsuit. Give me all the straps and cutouts and what have you. But don’t make me feel like I have to punish myself to earn the right to wear it).

sweat pink trucker hat
Wearing my all-time favorite swimsuit from prAna.

In a season full of fad diets and confidence-robbing workout programs, I’m hitching my wagon to a different kind of challenge. Because it’s not enough to just ignore the bikini bullshit; we’ve got to actively work toward something else, something better, something that honors us as people and as athletes and pushes us to do more and do it stronger.

So, in an act of defiance (I know, I’m SUCH a bold and daring rebel) but also because the summer gives us glorious opportunities to be outside and use our bodies on land and in water (in water! My favorite thing!), I’m joining the #AthleteInside challenge hosted by Designer Protein and Ben Zorn (yes, THAT Ben Zorn. Go ahead, google him if you need to).

Okay, confession time, I had to Google him … But still, cool, right?

I’ll take your bikini and raise you a wetsuit.

Anyway. The point of this challenge is to push ourselves to find the athlete inside and push our training to new heights, by incorporating new workouts and new recipes. Designer Protein will be sharing free workouts and recipes for the month of June, and the prizes aren’t bad, either. 🙂

The challenge launches TODAY (whee!) and the great thing is, you don’t need any equipment for the workouts. They’re pure body weight. So no excuses, folks.

To win prizes, make sure you check in on Instagram or Facebook as you do the workouts or follow nutrition plans. The tags are:

Instagram:

#AthleteInside @zorn_fitness @designerprotein @vitaminshoppe #designerprotein #sweatpink

Facebook:

#AthleteInside, Zorn Fitness, Designer Protein, Vitamin Shoppe

Ready, set, smoothie!

 

 

 

Is your refrigerator running?

You know what’s super fun to come home to after a week away? A dead refrigerator.

You know what ups the fun factor even more? You have to wait 5 days for the repair person to even show up.

And then … everyone’s just a little sniffly and hoarse. My baby sounds like she’s spent her entire life on two packs a day. We could all use a little TLC and a lot of Vitamin C.

We stocked our cooler with a few essentials (milk, beer) and are otherwise making it work with takeout, non-perishables, and the (occasionally mysterious) contents of our freezer, which, praise be, is still functioning.

It turned out this was the perfect time to really commit to a new, not mysterious section of my freezer: my Daily Harvest meals. We’d received them shortly before we left town, and I tetris-ed them into the freezer and quickly got distracted by downloading every Daniel Tiger episode I could find, in the misguided hopes it would keep my tiny adventurer occupied on the flight.

The smoothies are the perfect complement (alternative?) to takeout pizza and breakfast tacos, because, hello, nutrition. I gravitated first to the Mango + Camu smoothie (immunity! That’s exactly what we need!), and whipped it up so we could all try and partake.

It’s so easy. SO, so easy. I’m a big fan of the easy part. Also, tons of ingredients that I would either buy a big thing of and then only use once and lose at the back of my pantry and have to toss years later when I rediscovered them, or that I didn’t know existed (I’m looking at you, camu).

Look how pretty – green confetti!

You either dump the smoothie back into the cup, which has an integrated straw hole (genius, I’m telling you, genius) or pour it into a wine glass because everything tastes better in a stemless.

I liked it. Mac liked it.

My husband drank most of it. That’s a big fat endorsement from someone who is still convinced that french fries are vegetables.

Another crowd pleaser was the Pumpkin Overnight Oats, and by crowd, I mean Mac: she destroyed that bowl of oatmeal.

I’ll be honest, it wasn’t my thing, but I am chronically boring when it comes to oatmeal. I like it with some almond butter and nothing else. Maybe some hemp hearts if I’m feeling wild that morning. But, objectively, the pumpkin overnight oats were really good. If you are a normal human and enjoy healthy, delicious flavors in your oatmeal, you will like these.

My favorite smoothie so far is the Blueberry + Hemp one. What can I say, I’m a berry kind of gal.

 

Also, they manage to incorporate kale + spinach without it tasting yucky. That’s a good recipe right there!

Want to try Daily Harvest for yourself? They were kind enough to give me a code to share with y’all: FitApproach will get you THREE free cups!

It’s good, y’all. A great way to (easily!!) spice up your meals, even if your refrigerator needs chasing. 😉

I got to try Daily Harvest for free! #ILoveMyJob . All opinions are my own. If you try it for yourself, I hope you’ll let me know your opinions, too. 🙂 

 

My 16 month old’s guide to a delightful in-flight experience

Or, the mile-high menace

Or, mastering a gentle inner-thigh caress

Or, the complete guide to tasting strangers’ shoes… and getting away with it

Listen, toddlers, mastering the art of a fun flight is a careful balancing act. You must find that level of fun that teeters just on the edge of tipping your mom’s (and the flight crew’s) tolerance into the no-fly zone. You must ensure that your escapades are, for all their daringness, still a better option than listening to you scream.

Needless to say, the meltdown option in always available to you.

This guide is by no means exhaustive, but hopefully it will help inspire you for your next flight. These strategies are designed for long-haul flights; we recommend being a perfect, quiet angel on shorter legs. It’s the most certain way to lull your parents into thinking they can handle a cross-country or even trans-continental jaunt.

Ready? Dive right in …

Pre-flight considerations.

Be ever alert. Threats to your plan abound: unless she still cowers under the watchful eye of screen-time-shamers, your mom will try to bribe you with Daniel Tiger. DO NOT FALL VICTIM. Resist the screen, no matter how intriguing the plot line about how to communicate your food allergies at school. If you play this right, you’ll get that screen time later, at your destination, when her energy and fear of judgment have been obliterated.

She might also have a new toy or snack as a “surprise” for you. Please, mom, that “surprise” is so overdone. Also, spoiler alert, there are way more fun toys to be discovered on a plane.

Moving sidewalks: just one of many exhilarating warmup activities.

Boarding the plane.

When your mom finds your seat, the time is ripe: spill that coffee she purchased knowing the chances of that sweet, sweet caffeine making it into her bloodstream were nearly zero, but which she precariously juggled through the airport and onto the plane along with the diaper bag and the roller bag and your wiggly body and her secret stash of toys and snacks. Make sure to splash that coffee all over neighboring seats, her clothes, and everything she’s carrying, including yourself. She’ll get distracted using up the rest of her baby wipes mopping up coffee and her caffeine-withdrawal tears, and you’ll have time to unload the seat back pockets and distribute the literature, perfectly beaded with stray drops of coffee, to surrounding rows. You’ll probably also have time to finger paint the window with the spilled coffee she hasn’t mopped up yet.

Establish dominance

As the plane is taking off, make as much noise as possible and move as much as possible. You’re setting a precedent here: if you sit quietly now, she’ll have less incentive to tolerate your next move. Unless, of course, you want to nurse, in which case you should make sure to bob back and forth between sides every few seconds so that she is as exposed as possible. Just think, she will be so absorbed in trying to alternately cover each breast, she’ll have reduced capacity to restrain you.

This is an ideal time to let your neighbor know who’s boss: give them a few well-timed kicks and jabs so your mom feels guilty and the neighbor gives her a stink eye.

Get the lay of the land

Focus! Now is not the time to be admiring the view.

Once you’re off the ground, or done nursing, squirm away from your mom and, even if you have literally never crawled in your life because crawling is for babies, army crawl up the aisle, occasionally stopping to turn back and smirk at her. Your coffee-soaked t-shirt will handily collect stray crumbs and hair and other detritus along the aisle. When she tries to pick you up, immediately execute FULL LIMP BODY and scream at the top of your lungs.

Trust me, she’ll let you keep army crawling.

Being on your belly gives you the best access to a few key in-flight amenities: wayward peanuts and other people’s purses. It’s best to casually remove an item or two from each purse you pass, just to deflect your mom from trying to pick you up again. She’ll be so busy handing people their lost pens and phones and slobbery wallets that you’ll be able to make significant progress down the aisle. If you get distracted, remember, follow the trail of peanuts. Especially the honey roasted ones. The “lightly salted” ones are so not worth the effort.

When you get bored with ground-level pursuits, stand up and start walking down the aisle. This step is all about speed and noise. Happy shrieks are less likely to cause interventions but still garner maximum attention from the entire plane.

Make new friends

If the mom hot on your tail looks away for even the tiniest second, to apologize to a stranger or to re-assemble the last purse you unloaded, seize the opportunity: casually lay your hand on the nearest stranger’s thigh, as high up on their inner thigh as you can reach, and gaze intently into their face. Bonus points if the thigh’s owner is asleep.

If their thigh isn’t accessible, try untying their shoe, or putting it in your mouth. Again, sleeping targets are worth the most, both in points and in potential reactions. If you get kicked in the face by a startled-awake shoe-wearer, scream bloody murder, tweet an angry missive to the airline, and make sure it gets captured on video so you can sue later.

And repeat. You got this. 

Then, when you land…

Just be your unbelievably cute self.

Works like a charm.

Defense against the darkness

“Welcome, everyone,” the instructor said, her legs folded into a neat lotus position, her face beaming a peaceful, earth-mother glow. “Let’s start by going around the room and sharing what brings you joy.”

It was my second day at postpartum yoga, one of countless mommy & me activities I’d joined shortly after Mac was born, and I was the first of 15 or so new moms, sitting in a semi-circle of yoga mats, to take up the question.

Mac takes yoga class very seriously.

I’ve never been comfortable with public speaking, even in an environment as safe as this one, where half the audience didn’t speak English yet, and the other half was consumed with the newborn beetling on a blanket in front of them. So I was relieved that this, at least, was an easy question, one that I’d developed a stock answer to years ago.

So much easier than last week’s “What has motherhood brought into your life?” (My answer: uh, a baby?)

“I love to swim in the ocean,” I said confidently, keeping one hand on four-week old Mac as though she might suddenly decide to get up and run away, “especially when the water is warm and there are beautiful fish to look at.”

Nailed it, I thought, relieved that I’d redeemed last week’s poor performance.

Mom #2: “My daughter’s laugh just lights up my world.”

Mom #3: “Getting to share in my son’s learning experience.”

As the sharing rippled around the room, my anxiety ratcheted up. Every other mom in that room shared something about her child as her source of joy. I was the only one who said anything even remotely unrelated to family.

Dammit. Another F in the grade book of motherhood.

The first time I saw Mac in the NICU—really, the first time I saw her, save a few blurry seconds on my chest right after her birth—I remember a feeling of utter detachment. Foreignness, not familiarity.

When we brought her home, I knew I was supposed to talk to her, to find joy in this new life in my charge. I knew I was supposed to sing and cuddle and nest, but my nonsense songs sounded phoned in, my narration of our daily activities forced. I wasn’t quite sure to make of this creature whose arrival had shattered the sense of self I’d spent over 30 years cultivating. I felt reduced to cracked nipples, a deflated belly, and various traumatized body parts to be poked, measured, stitched, consumed.

All around me, I heard my peers singing the joys of motherhood.

Parenting a newborn bored me out of my mind.

They reveled in the gifts of maternity leave.

I itched to sneak back into my inbox.

They spoke in rapture of the unmatched love they felt for these squishy new lives.

The strongest feeling I could muster was ambivalence.

As soon as I was able to leave the house, I found myself taking long walks with Mac in the stroller. I didn’t know what else to do with her, or with myself. We walked against the darkness and against my raw emotional state and through the long still hours of the day.

I had nothing left that was mine, and, I believed, nothing to give. All around me, the darkness closed in, and it left me ragged and brittle. I couldn’t summon the reserves to return calls from loved ones and perform the happy new mom dance. The red badge tallying up new voicemails from friends inched upward, unchecked. At least once a day I’d dissolve into tears for no apparent reason. Over and over, I counted down the minutes of each monotonous cycle of nurse-nap-now what?

I was sure I could muscle my way through it, through sheer force of will. I signed up for every mommy & me group I could find. I went to postpartum depression support groups. Postpartum anxiety groups. Homebirth* and babywearing and stroller fitness classes. I set a record for answering icebreaker questions wrong. I kept adding more and more activities to my calendar, all the while hoping I’d uncover a diagnosis for my disinterest.

If I could name it, maybe I could find a way to cross that threshold into feeling like a mom.

They say the first three months—the fourth trimester—are the uphill battle. I’d say eight months is closer to when I began feeling like I might come out the other side of this reasonably intact.

There has been no watershed moment, just a series of small cracks in the darkness. The moment when I hear Mac and Nathan playing in the next room, and I find myself thinking, spontaneously, “That sounds like fun,” and wish I were in there. The moment when her happy shrieks make me laugh harder than I have in months.

I wish I could say that I wasn’t still emotionally raw. There are still jagged, brittle days, when my resilience is whisper-thin and the darkness closes in over my head. There are still mornings when the prospect of leaving the house or checking even one item off my to-do list leaves me feeling defeated.

I’ve found no salve, no drug, no practice, no magic cure. It’s just time. Time that I’m still taking. It’s finding my mom tribe, whose company helps me feel less broken. It’s getting creative with making space for myself. It’s letting Mac’s smiles and babbles start to knit together a defense against the darkness.

I’m 16 months postpartum and I’m still finding my way through.  

*Luckily for me, just intending to have a home birth means you’re welcome at these groups. So I got my cake epidural and ate it too. 😉