Limits are so last year

When we first got married, one of the ways that I could reliably frustrate my husband was by being overly optimistic about timing. For example, if I was out to dinner with friends and our food hadn’t arrived yet, I’d tell him I’d be home in about 30 minutes. That estimate totally covered time to eat, pay the bill, get another drink (or two?) and of course the one hour plus commute home from San Francisco.

In other words, I was 100% dishonest. It came from a well-intentioned place of not wanting to let him down in the moment: saying “I’ll be home in 30 minutes” sounds so much better than “at least 3 hours from now, and that’s if the after dinner cocktails aren’t super delicious, and if the train schedule improbably works in my favor.” Of course my lie would come back to bite me in the ass when it was inevitably revealed, but that was a future problem that I could avoid for, well, another 30 minutes.

It’s not a respectful way to treat your partner, consistently and knowingly offering alternative facts about your plans.

My habitual tardiness may be a silly example of how well our culture teaches us to fudge or obscure any news that we fear might be poorly received. (Just look at how many women intensely identified with Cat Person).  I know I’m guilty of dissembling to maintain (an imagined?) social good all the time, for matters mundane and trivial.

In recent years, that unwillingness to put others out has manifested more in form of not asking for what I need, because the idea of either inconveniencing someone, or feeling as though I’m asking permission, feels alternately uncomfortable or stifling. And since I’m at a life stage when I need help more than ever—toddler mom, knocked up, full time job—not asking for support means I’m not showing up for myself. I’m putting up walls and limits where they don’t belong. I’m sacrificing my own health and well-being for … what, exactly?

This year, even though all the cool kids agree that resolutions are dumb, I’m using the new year as an opportunity to reflect and reset. This year, I want to reassert myself. To make space for me without guilt or excuses. To ask for the support I need instead of hoping it will be offered.
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In 2018, I recognize that the limits I saw on what I could achieve and who I could be were self-inflicted. In 2018 I choose to leave behind those restrictions. I choose to be limitless. The decisions and sacrifices I will make this year will be thoughtful and proactive, not reactionary or fear-driven.
I’m going into this a realist. I know my toddler and my unborn child’s needs will ultimately come first, but from here on out, that’s an approach I choose instead of a condition I submit to.
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In 2018 I show up for myself, without reservation. Without apology.  Without regret. With honesty. With full presence.  With an eye to the big picture.
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Also, I’m going to stop reading the news so damn much. Not helpful.
This year, in partnership with Gixo, we choose to leave behind all that doesn’t serve us, and to declare #IAmLimitless. Join us for community support in achieving your goals this year, and doing more than you ever dreamed possible. 



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7 Replies to “Limits are so last year”

  1. YES to asking for more support and reasserting yourself! I love it. Also, the timing thing – the 30 minutes text when in reality, an hour or three, that was also my biggest struggle early on in my relationship with Casey….So funny that we both did that!

  2. I love this so much! YES to asking for help and knowing it doesn’t make you strong and amazing and a Superwoman to do so. YES to admitting what’s real, even if the recipient of the news won’t like it. YES YES YES.

  3. I’m all about this. Real(istic) and honest – and constant work.

    And asking for help – leaning on a great team and community you’ve helped to build is the perfect 2018 plan. We’re here for ya!

  4. Oh, I’m SO guilty of that time frame line! I’ve done that more times than I’d like to admit, really. With all of the best intentions of course, just the same as you said!

    I couldn’t love this post more! You’re 100% right in speaking up and out when you need help and not just hoping it will appear! Leaning on your loved ones and friends is vital, even when we like to think we can do ALL the things ourselves. LOVE, love love the word honesty and all that it encompasses! Wishing you an amazing 2018 filled with honesty, happiness and peace!!

  5. I’d say my second daughter humbled me one she is beyond unpredictable lol and two I had to accept that help is okay and flexibility is okay. Everyones parenting journey is different but realizing that you need to pour from a full cup-you’re ahead of the game. Everyone in the fam will thank you. Such promise in aspiring to be limitless. Yes, take a news break! 😉

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